Communicating your needs and expectations with your partner
Becoming a parent is a life-changing event that can bring joy, excitement, and challenges. One of the challenges that many new moms face is how to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship with their partner as they adjust to their new roles as parents. One of the ways to do that is to communicate your needs and expectations to your partner and listen to theirs as well. Here are some tips on how to do that:
Choose a good time and place. It is not a good idea to bring up sensitive topics when you or your partner are tired, hungry, stressed, or distracted. Instead, choose a time and place when you are both calm, relaxed, and focused. You can also ask your partner if they are ready to talk or if they need some time to prepare.
Use "I" statements. When you express your feelings, needs, and expectations, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You never help me with the baby", say "I feel overwhelmed and I need your help with the baby". This way, you avoid blaming, criticizing, or accusing your partner, which can make them defensive or angry.
Be specific and realistic. When you communicate your needs and expectations, be as specific and realistic as possible. For example, instead of saying "I need more attention from you", say "I would appreciate it if you could give me a hug and ask me how my day was when you come home". This way, you make it clear what you want and how your partner can meet your needs.
Listen actively. Communication is a two-way street, and it is important to listen to your partner as well as talk to them. When your partner is speaking, pay attention to what they are saying and how they are feeling. Don't interrupt, judge, or offer solutions unless they ask for them. Instead, show empathy and understanding by nodding, making eye contact, and reflecting back what they said. For example, you can say "It sounds like you are feeling frustrated and exhausted.”
Seek compromise. Sometimes, you and your partner may have different or conflicting needs and expectations. In that case, try to find a middle ground that works for both of you. For example, if you want to go out with your friends once a week, but your partner thinks that's too much, you can agree to go out every other week or for a shorter time. Remember that compromise is not about giving up or giving in, but about finding a solution that respects both of your needs.
Communicating your needs and expectations to your partner and listening to theirs can help you maintain a healthy relationship as you transition to into parenting together. It can also help you avoid misunderstandings, resentment, and conflicts. Remember that communication is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process that requires patience, honesty, and respect.
